Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here then, are the glorious winners:

 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim During a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot 

did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the

barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....And now, 

the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

 machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his

 insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of 

its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also 

lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who
 shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car 

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a 

woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus 

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be 

transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit

his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered 

everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
 delivered the passengers 

to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very

excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't 

discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious 

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he 

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying 

to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before
 he 

was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,

he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which 

the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and 

fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash 

he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and 

gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7.Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided 

that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, 

grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it 

over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the
 would-be thief on the head, 

knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of 

Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man 

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the 

woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to 

the store. The thief was then taken out of
 the car and told to stand 

there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's 

her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a 

Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and 

demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't 

open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered 

onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
 The

man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked 

on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police 

arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a 

motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man 

admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged hissiphon hose into

the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it 

was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your 

friends and family .... unless of course one of the above individuals by 

chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be 

glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

****Remember ... they walk amongst us!